Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
