you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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