There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
