I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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