what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
