so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
