Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
