Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
