It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
