Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
