Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
