i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
