Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
