I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They took my balls.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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