MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
