i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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