why didn't you poke me back
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
