glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
