Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
