you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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