im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
