I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
