we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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