I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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