Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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