I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does one acquire holy water?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
