it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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