wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
