Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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