Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
