please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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