tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
