So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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