Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
