Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Church boner. Awkwardddd
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
