I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
