I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
