Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
