he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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