he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
