From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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