party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
