Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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