New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
