that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
