I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
