I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
