meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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