Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
