I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
