I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
