Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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