Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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