There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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