I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
