Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
