She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
