people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
