i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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