Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
